Oct

Here’s a common conversation in my home:

Tim: “Who’s so-and-so?”

Me: “Why?”

Tim: “I just got a Facebook friend request from them and I don’t know who they are.”

Me: “It’s so-and-so’s cousin. I accepted the request.”

Tim: “But I don’t know them.”

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I have accepted plenty of friend requests from people I hardly know, but something in me wonders if I am contributing to the downfall of the English language every time I do so. I believe that “chair,” “chocolate,” and “marriage” all mean something specific. Shouldn’t “friend” mean something specific too?

From my point of view, I have few true friends. I have lots of acquaintances, nice people that I’m glad I know, but few friends. Friends are people that can see your messy house. People who will call you when they have a crisis in their lives. Lots of my Facebook “friends” are really my acquaintances in real life, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be “friends” with them on Facebook.

So when I get a request from someone I hardly know, part of me wants to revolt. We’re acquaintances, not friends. But I am honored that they asked to be my friend, and rejecting a friend request seems so harsh.

I know that there are some possibilities for making levels of friends on Facebook (like allowing someone to see only my limited profile), but those seem so concrete. Actual friendship is so much more fluid and unspoken.

Apparently I’m not the only person wondering about this. Hal Niedzviecki writes in the NYTimes about this issue. A British judge has even ruled that Facebook “friends” are not real friends.